This was originally posted on the Minnesota State Bar Association’s blog.
Imagine hunkering down with a hotdog and a beer in the new Twins stadium next summer and hearing the ump yell, “BEGIN THE PLAYING OF BASEBALL BY THROWING THE BALL.” Hmmm. Doesn’t quite have the same punch as “PLAY BALL” does it?
Why? Well one reason is that the ump used “play” as a verb. In my initial version, I added –ing. Presto, the verb “play” morphed into a noun and the sentence got longer.
Lawyers are really good at this. They say things like, “The commencement of the lease term begins August 1” instead of
“The lease term commences August 1.” Thus, a five word sentence becomes an eight word sentence.
The other day I purchased a portable hard drive and the installation guide had a section titled “Regulatory Compliance,” likely drafted by a lawyer. It reads, “This unit may cause harmful interference to radio reception.” (9 words) How about “This unit may interfere with radio reception.” (7 words)
These are all examples of nominalizations–verbs changed into nouns. Forget the term; just know how to spot them because they cause wordiness. Take a minute and review your draft and spot words with the following endings:
-al (approval v. approve)
-ment (reimbursement v. reimburse)
-ance (tolerate v. tolerance)
-tion (action v. act)
-sion (decide v. decision)
-ent (depend v. dependent)
-ance (avoid v. avoidance)
-ity (conform v. conformity)
-ing (the awarding v. award)
Replace them with verbs, trim unnecessary words, and increase comprehension.
The mathematician Pascal once noted, “I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.” Don’t be like Pascal. Take two minutes of your time. Unless of course you are one of those rare people who appreciate a little bit of confusion. After all, what if the banner had read, “THE ACCOMPLISHMENT OF THE MISSION HAS OCCURRED” instead of “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”?
Posted by Nancy Hupp
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